This Is The Title For The Fourth Post

Now, loyal reader(s), I'm sure you’re probably thinking , ‘This guy is brilliant’, or something similar, but I feel  I should apologise: not a lot has happened so far; it’s post 4 and we’re only just getting into things.

The reason for that is because this is a Real Life, Honest To God True Story, and that means there will be boring bits as well as gun battles, sword fights and car chases (of which there are none).

Anyway, it’s been a wee while since I posted – I’ve been doing some freelance work this past week or so, so I’ve not had as much time. But we’re here now, eh?

Let us enter The All Consuming Fire...

Now then, where were we...?

Ah yes.  Speed Dating Attempt #1 fell apart at the seams, and I resolved to find another one - which I managed, so yay!

So, I spoke to Tim the day after I saw the notice on the speed dating site, and despite his protestations I think he was a little disappointed.

'That's a little disappointing,' said Tim.

‘Yep. But it’s okay, because I found another one!’

‘Oh good.’

‘Isn’t it?’

It was good; this agency looked a lot more professional than the first one, and I got a confirmation e-mail that said it was definitely going ahead.

‘Do I still have to come?’ Tim said.

‘Yep. I took the liberty of signing us all up.’

‘Did you actually?’

‘Yep. You owe me twenty pounds.’

‘Eh?’

‘It’s okay, there’s no rush.’

‘But-’

‘Anyway, I have to go and tell Mike. It’s in a week’s time, so make sure you have some nice clothes.’

‘Oh, so it’s a posh one again?’

‘Tim, you’ll never be able to wear your Top Gun t-shirt at speed dating, okay?’

‘But-’

‘Bye.’

I put the phone down, remembered I had to call Mike, picked it back up again, called Mike, and told him the same.

He was a bit more welcoming.

A few days passed, and there was no sign of it was going to be cancelled. I was looking forward to it, sure, but I was still a bit paranoid that it might fall apart again.

My mind was put at ease when, on the very day of the speed dating event, I received an e-mail confirming it was still on that evening.

Yes! I said to myself (not out loud. That’d be odd).

This is it! This is where the adventure begins! To boldly go where loads of people except me have gone before!

You can imagine my frustration when 2 hours later I got another e-mail saying it was cancelled.

I was not amused.

‘That’s a shame,’ said Mike.

‘Agreed, but oh well,’ I said, remaining ever-positive.

‘But I’ve got something to take your mind off it.’

‘…Is this one of those situations where I have to get an adult?’

‘Don’t be daft. No, my mum and dad are away on holiday in a couple of weeks, and I’ll have their house for a few days . I was thinking of getting you guys, Marsha and some of her friends over.’

Marsha is the not-so-real-name of Mike’s girlfriend.

‘Sounds good!’ I said, because it did. It’s always nice to get away, especially when ‘away’ is a lovely corner of Scotland far from city life.

Mike’s mum and dad live in Tighnabruaich (Ti-na-broo-ich), a tiny area on the west coast of Scotland. It’s fairly secluded and just the place to go if you want to get away from it all.

Some of the more popular activities here include sailing, yachting and shinty. And every so often, the cinema truck stops.  If you take a look at the photos, you’ll see it’s a bit like Optimus Prime, if he was a cinema instead of a giant robot.

It’s such a shame that these two concepts don’t gel, as you will know if you read Post 1 and heard my opinions on Transformers 2.

Anyway, fast-forward a couple of weeks later, we were in Tighnabruaich. Along with Tim, Mike, Marsha and myself, present were Marsha’s friends Amanda from Manchester, Zoe and Simon from Ireland, and Brigitte from Norway.

Now, with it being Scotland and all, the weather wasn’t brilliant, but that was okay; it meant I got to wear my big tartan fleece, which I have dubbed the ‘lumberjacket’ because it is made from 100% lumberjack skin.

Over the course of the weekend we had a barbecue, went to the local pub (where the locals stare at you when you walk through the door whilst the Duelling Banjos from Deliverance plays in your head).

Mike is a well-known figure in this pub because his dad is a prominent local figure. It was because a few of the slightly-inebriated patrons kept asking him about his dad that the conversation turned to Mike’s family.

‘What’s your mum’s name?’ asked someone, possibly Brigitte.

‘Elizabeth,’ replied Mike. ‘But don’t ever call her Lizzie. She hates being called Lizzie.’

‘Ah, I know what you mean,’ said Simon. ‘My mum’s called Elizabeth too, and she hates it when people call her Betty.’

‘Yeah, totally,’ I said. ‘My mum’s called Jean and she hates it when people call her Eric.’

No-one laughed except Mike and Tim but that was probably because no-one else was laughing. I told myself it was because everyone was clearly too busy enjoying the little different conversations going on to notice the joke. Perhaps I’d say it again later?

Anyway, the weekend was fun and everyone was great company. It had been a while since I spoke about speed dating with the guys, and I had stopped thinking about making an effort to meet a girl. I thought that it was just a phase.

When we got back to Glasgow, I couldn’t help but think how funny it was that we all ended up in that tiny community because Mike decided to do a physiotherapy course; if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have met Marsha, who travelled from Gibraltar to study the same course, which in turn would have meant that he wouldn’t have been introduced to her friends – from England, Ireland and Norway – and we wouldn’t have shared that weekend together.

You had no idea what life could throw at you if you let it.

So it was that thinking that made me resolve to keep going with my quest to ‘broaden my horizons’, my own little personal project.

The thing  is, I was tired of speed dating, of waiting around just to have it fall through. So what else could I do to meet girls? Take up an evening class? Do a martial art? Learn a language? Learn to dance?

And then I remembered the online dating profile I made when Tim and I first started looking into speed dating.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where the adventure really begins…